Facebook Wrecked My Life

According to the reliable source that is the Daily Mail, Facebook is evil – along with immigrantion and Ashley Cole it is currently destroying the world one profile at a time!

And I want to acknowledge that some terrible things have happened through Facebook. The tragic stories of Aliza Mirza murdered last week on the way to a party with someone she had met on Facebook. Ashliegh Hall murdered after meeting a man who she thought was a fifteen year old boy. Unfortunately we have to realise that Social Networking websites provide a way for some of societies “undesirables” to get in contact with people they shouldn’t. And whilst we need to make sure that we take care on Facebook, I believe that things like this would be happening without Facebook.

So without further ado Ladies and Gentlemen, the first thing I want to say to you is Facebook is NOT evil!

What are the fundamental needs of human being? Well a guy called Harlow in the 40s using a shed loads of monkeys wire and a toy which banged a drum made a few discoveries. The most important being that a fundamental need for us is contact.

Facebook provides an incredible way for us to make that contact. Using an existing network – the internet – it create links between people. It gives us an opportunity to chat, to share in one another’s existences.

There is nothing wrong with needing contact. God saw it in Genesis when he said “It’s not good that man is alone!” We are made to be social beings, it’s in our makeup! So why the concern about facebook?

Facebook is a phenomenon. It’s reckoned that last month more than 46 billion minutes were spent on Facebook. Now that’s a lot (around 1250 lifetimes by my calculations). Every 1 in 6 minutes spent online in the UK is on Facebook and around 85% of 16 to 24 year olds use the website with 63% logging in at least daily.
Facebook is a phenomenon that has not yet synced with everything else that is going on – but it will. Like the metronomes, the world and it will fall into balance! At the end of the day it is a wonderful tool that meets one of the basic human needs for contact and connection.
Ok. First point Facebook is NOT evil. Second point Hyperconnectivity might just be.

Now I’ve just used a big word. I know this has the effect of putting many people to sleep so I’m going to talk you through an experiment – take six ping pong balls and a friend and ask them to catch. Throw one ping pong ball (they should be able to catch this!) then throw the other five all at once – they are likely to catch none being unable to focus on a single ball. This experiment shows the issue of hyperconnectivity. It’s easy to catch a single ping pong ball, as it’s easy to deal with one relationship or friendship at a time. If you suddenly increase the amount of ping pong balls, relationships, friendships, they become much harder to grasp and you’re left flailing in the air.

A guy called Gladwell who I think must have been a bit of a loaner, spent most of his life studying how other people got on. He showed that if you belong to a group of five people you have ten separate relationships to keep track of. Four between you and the other members of the group and six other two way relationships. That’s what friends are, they a usually a group of people who understand and know each other, have shared jokes, behaviour and understandings

If you have 20 friends how many connection to keep track of? 190 (19+171)! Though it’s a fivefold increase in the number of people it’s a twenty fold increase in the amount of information we need to process. Another rather dull chap called Dunbar worked out the maximum number of people someone can be in contact with is 147.8 – often rounded up to 150. This is often known as the Dunbar Number.

When you have more than that the information starts becoming too difficult to process resulting in what we saw in our experiment. Too much to catch so everything falls through. This creates shallow friendships where ‘I’m sad’ is a conversation rather than a statement. It also creates rather unbelievable situations where a group of physical friends can be together hardly noticing each other because they’re so busy screen sucking! Maybe it’s time to think about what Friendship means to you, and how you value your friends and the relationships you have.

Ok. First point Facebook is NOT evil. Second point Hyperconnectivity might just be.

So why do so many people spend so much time staring into the screen? What’s so great about it? What’s great about facebook is that unlike email, it creates a little online village of your friends. Conversations no longer resolve around you and one friend, but are open so that everyone can get involved. It’s great for organising a get together, keeping in contact with friends from across the globe whom you only get to see every few years. It’s also great for playing games against friends over great distances e.g. scrabble! What’s also fantastic, but purely in the shallow sense, is that it lets gives you the opportunity to act as your own personal PR agency. By carefully selecting what images I’ll put on, what actions I’ll share and the status updates I write “Brand Andy” is far more exciting and interesting, and having much more fun than the real me.

Have you ever seen Facebook photos? For those who haven’t they can generally be split into a few different groups.
You’ve got the look at me photo
The overcropped picture
The I’ve got a new boyfriend/girlfriend picture
The avatar
The womb
The baby as an avatar

Why do we upload these photos?!

What about Status Updates. Here are a few real status updates from my friends in the past week….
“Life sucks” “Need to chat” “Just had a lovely night with my boyfriend” “Having a heart to heart convo” “On the toilet” “Should I be worried, I’ve missed my last three periods”

Why?!

I think it’s because we’re trying to get validation for who and what we are. We want other to accept us, so we can accept ourselves. We’re hoping that by writing “Life sucks” someone will come offering comfort or to tell us we’re fine, “Having a heart to heart convo” will show what a good friend we are, changing our relationship status as quickly as possible will make people think we’re better for being in a relationship. Showing a new photo of ourself posing will get a few comments about how nice we look. We want other to accept us, so we can accept ourselves.

The problem is that Facebook isn’t going to provide that for us. Adding more and more friends to that bar on the side of your profile won’t. Displaying sexualised images of yourself won’t. Putting your life for the world to see using status updates won’t. Chatting to someone may provide immediate help, but it isn’t going to give you a lasting peace, in fact you’ll become more and more and more dependent on having to turn to others to make personal decisions. Facebook isn’t going to help you accept yourself, Facebook cannot validate you.

It is my belief that only God can give us validation for who we are. A guy called David wrote a poem around three thousand years ago that said this about God…

You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too— your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful— I can’t take it all in!
Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, you’d find me in a minute— you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
(Psalm 139 – The Message)

David got the fact that God made him, God loved him and God created him from nothing and made him something. God has made you to be something, your validation doesn’t need to come from a website. God loves the real you, not the you your trying to sell to others.

So my message today is this Facebook is NOT evil. Hyperconnectivity might just be. God has made you to be something, He can be your validation.

Andy’s Handy Facebook Tips
1) Think of Facebook like a tool. It’s something you use like a phone or a diary. It can be great to have a village of your friends around. It’s great for organising events – but NOT a party at your mums house!
2) Have a day off Facebook a week – a Saturday or Sunday! During that day don’t use it on your computer or phone and instead organise a physical meet up with some friends! You might even try talking to your family…. or is that a stage too far! Also turn off your phone and messenger when doing homework or revising – really it doesn’t help…
3) Wake up before checking facebook. Turn off facebook a while before you go to sleep. Otherwise your mind won’t turn off!
4) Practice Mindful Facebooking. Think carefully about what you’re doing on Facebook. Is “liking” that status update going to cost you a friend, or that “funny” photo going to cost you a job? Think who you’re adding to your profile, consider what you’re typing. Don’t be a hater or a stalker. It is easier to casually bully someone than ever before, through snide remarks and mean comments. If you’re doing that STOP IT! If your teacher is a prat DON’T make or join a facebook page about it! Look at the groups you’re part of and the pages you’re fans of – what does that say about you? Remember that in ten years time everything you’ve put could be searchable by anyone.
5) Facebook is not the place to sort out your self-worth issues or to garner self-esteem. You want to know something? I believe God made you, made you perfect and loves you no matter what, now get on with living your life!